Spring Seniors Away Day

Seniors Noticeboard : Spring Seniors Away Day

Well we had a real problem getting enough Stags to play in the first Away Day of the season and this was a pity as we were playing at Robin Hood Golf Club in Solihull and it is a really nice parkland course in superb condition promising a stiff test of golf and the prospect of balls being lost only in the water or over the fences or in the odd patches of long rough a fair way from the fairway(good alliteration?) In total 34 Stags, Ron's "son" and the Bard turned up. There was some talk that a rival group from Stoneleigh had played the course recently at a cheaper price so maybe the organiser of that group should volunteer to do a bit for the Stags organisation. I can only dream.

 Charles the Bard made a welcome reappearance, after his cameo role in the Captain's Day by coming all the way from darkest Wales to play with us. He must have realised that all the big hitters were elsewhere and the big longest drive prize would be his. He duly won it .

By the way I thought it was probably time to update you non readers about the Stags referendum, it is after all nearly two years ago but I am so bored by it that I cannot be bothered. This is mainly because tragic though  these traumatic and worrying events within the Stags are, they pale into significance against what is happening in the "real" world which beggars belief, and you have to wonder if it is really happening because you surely could not make it up.

What I did not realise is that it could affect the future of golf itself illustrated by this dark tale of the future.

"David Davis had had many difficult years. He had finally finished his task and was duly fired for incompetence but although he frequently did not know what he had been doing or understand all the complexities of his work, good old British bluff had got him through and now he deserved some rest and relaxation, so he thought a game of golf would be just the job.

When he arrived at the golf club, to his dismay it was closed down, but he saw the old club secretary sitting morosely looking out to the once pristine fairways. “Hello old chap , I was hoping for a game, what’s happened “ said David.

“Ah Mr Davis, I haven’t seen you for some years, ever since you wanted to leave but retain all the advantages of membership. I remember we had to be very firm with you and you just walked out without settling your bills “

“Oh I have a vague recollection of that but it’s water under the bridge now surely, what’s happened here?” replied David.

“Well” replied the secretary, “ you really should have read those 58 sectoral analyses your staff wrote for you instead of redacting all the bits you didn’t want Parliament or the British public to see. You may then have understood some of the implications of your actions.”

“I don’t understand, you mean there were things in there that have affected my golf club” said David.

“Well, Mr Davis, the warnings were there, if you had read them.” said the Secretary.

“ But my dear old chap, I wasn’t interested in the details, I had a greater role, you know. So what happened here. Where are the greens staff?”

 “Oh, they were the first to go, the edict of the government that all those who had knowledge of the land were drafted on to the farms to try to harvest all the produce that used to be picked by immigrants. But at least they have a job.

"Well we have to grow more food to become self sufficient but I had not thought this through, but what about the catering staff" said David.  

"Oh Mr Davis they were the next to go, you did know, of course that 38% of the jobs in the catering and food preparation sector were held by Europeans and as soon as the deal was done most of them returned home. Many hotels and restaurants of course closed down but the others attracted with higher wages those that remained and the few Brits that were engaged in this business. We couldn't compete with these wages so we had to close the catering and the bar ."

"Oh dear" said Mr Davis, " I had not thought this one through either but in a market economy the strong grow stronger and the weak have to go." 

"Yes I suppose your experience must validate that" replied the old Secretary.

"But what about the shop" said  David. 

" Oh that was a severe blow" replied the Secretary, " as you might know all  golfing goods are made overseas and  imported and following the collapse of the pound , all went up in price and became less attractive to our members; we could have managed this but a large consignment was held up in the customs log jam after the exit and gave us a massive cash flow problem, this nearly took us down"

"It seems like one misfortune after another but what about the members, they are the backbone of the club after all" said David.

"Well" said the Secretary " this is another series of unfortunate events. Firstly 20% of the membership, the younger ones, were conscripted into the army when the troubles in Ireland erupted again, after the establishment of the hard border, and next a further 20% had to leave when their employer, Land Rover, closed its doors and transferred production to Slovakia and we were then down to just a few Ladies and the Seniors.

" But surely the Seniors stayed with you, after all most of them supported our exit" said David.

 "Indeed they did" said the Secretary, " but since the exit 25% of them succumbed to the food poisoning epidemic that was caused by over chlorinated chickens imported as part of the new trade deal with the Trump states, a further 10% to the excessive use of growth hormones in imported beef and to cap it all, as they use the health service more often than others, they now have to travel many more miles to the few hospitals that remain staffed for as you know, Mr Davis, when the European staff left our health service on the exit day, we had to contract the number of hospitals to continue to provide a safe, but severely restricted service. The Seniors now have no time to play golf."

"So what is going to happen here now" said Mr Davis. " Well as you should  know Mr Davis," replied the old Secretary, "The latest edict from your government is that all spare land must be turned over to agriculture so that we can grow the potatoes , parsnips, turnips and carrots as they are the only vegetables which will grow in this country. And we are turning the clubhouse into a training and innovation centre in ways of making these vegetables more appealing and attractive to the public. As you may know they were always a staple of the Golf Club menu and now we have to educate the public's taste buds and find enticing new ways of serving them as otherwise our diet would be bland indeed."

"Oh" said David "it does seem as if I have messed a few things up, I wish I had been told about this before"

"If only you hadn't walked out of the Club " replied the old secretary, " then we would both still have jobs, so why don't YOU just piss off"

 Well I suppose it might not happen so back to the golf and the Away day.

 Scoring was, as usual, patchy and low. There was a 14 and a 15  and many in the twenties. Bill the bandit got a decent score, or his handicap did, and the past Captain was up there and Derek of the groves did well along with "smokin" Rick. but the look of amazement on the winners face told it all. Nev scored 34 points and did not think he had a chance.  But we all had a super day and the meal was very good, Gammon and chips , how it should be served.

One final winner was Ron McNally taking a break from all his holidays who was nearest the pin. Well done to Paul (Eliza) for standing in again.

 Finally it was whispered that there was rebellious talk about the next Away day venue but I discount such nonsense. Let them eat cake I say.

 Scores were as follows

POS Player Total Back 9 Back3 POS Player Total Back 9
1 N Burton 34 17    19 JD Woodward 27 15
2 B Griffin 33 18  8      20 M Lovie 27 13
3 D Grover 33 18 3      21 R McNally 27 13
4 R Pedrick 33 16   22 P Jamieson 27 11
5 M Gilbey 32 18   23 R Parham 26 16
6 D Ridley 32 16   24 M Lloyd 26 14
7 T Britton 31 16   25 N Kirby 25 14
8 Pearson 31 15   26 N Palmer 25 12
9 B Churchill 31 14   27 R Hamilton 25 10
10 C Langbridge 30 17   28 A Heatley 24 14
11 M Jephcott 30 15   29 D Brown 24 13
12 C McTear 30 15   30 C Yapp 24 12
13 R Maudlin 29 15   31 R Cathcart 23 11
14 K James 29 14   32 M Lunn 23 10
15 J Jobson 28 13   33 R Duxbury 21 11
16 P Steward 28 13   34 G Mexson 20 11
17 R Burton 28 12   35 T Wing 15 7
18 JF Woodward 28 10   36 R Whitehouse 14 10
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